Own your story

“Own your story”

I hear it multiple times a day. It’s a common theme these days. Look, I’m all for owning my story, and am owning it. Do I have more work to do? Of course. But that’s not why I’m writing this. I'm writing this because it isn't all rainbows and unicorns. Time doesn't make any of this easier.

Owning your story actually has a catch. You see, sometimes I have to choose which story to own...the one that is ACTUALLY mine, or the one that other people ASSUME is mine. “Own your story so people can relate with you!” I hear that all of the time, and usually think, "Ok! I can do that! People will relate and I will be a helper!" But the other day I heard "Own your story" and for the first time it made me angry. I'm not normally super negative about my story, but for some reason it triggered me. I wanted to yell "I AM, AND IT SUCKS! PLEASE STOP ASKING ME TO OWN IT! WHEN DO I GET TO STOP?" The answer is never. Ouch.

Sometimes, it's not as simple as just owning your story. In all actuality I have to weigh the lesser of two evils. If I tell my real story, there is automatic awkwardness, stammering, weird looks on faces and sometimes over-helping. Then comes the pity train, which is just awful. Anddd of course the V word - Vulnerability (my favorite and least favorite word all at the same time).  If I let people think what they want, there is judgement. Often, that feels easier to swallow because I know what they think isn’t true and I can just walk away. How do I chose to own my story, yet protect my own sanity? There are far more consequences to owning the story than not. 

With either story comes assumptions, and to be honest, I get really tired of it. I’ve honestly thought about just wearing my wedding ring again so there aren’t questions. “Where is your husband?” could simply be answered with “Away on business.” I'm just tired, people. Tired sometimes of the grossly unfair BS that life sometimes gives us all in the name of "owning your story", or some other reason people give for why bad things happen. I envy the people who just get to do normal things. I know they have BS stuff too. Just let me think other people are normal for a brief moment. I know it's not true. 

I guess my point is that owning your story sometimes just... sucks. I know God asks us to. And I do. But it still... sucks. Even five years later. It's a broken record of owning it and it being awful at the same time. Fix it Jesus. 

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