A louder amen has never been heard
Single motherhood. It's been on my ever churning brain a lot lately. For the most part, I feel like I tackle the hardest job of my life with gusto and do a pretty good job at it. But there are times, when I just feel overwhelmed because I know that I can't do it all. I set limits for myself as soon as I began the journey into being a single parent. I know myself, and know that I have a very large tendency to take on too much. My children's activities and my personal activities were whittled down to what was manageable for me. Yes, I have a fantastic network of people who would help me at the drop of a hat, but what I didn't want was to be asking all of the time. So, soccer on Saturdays stayed, the overwhelming task of being the mother of a Cub Scout (and soon to be two Cub Scouts, in 2 different dens!!!!) went. You see, I'm not trying to limit what my children do, but I am trying to keep my sanity, so that when I do bring them to their activities, I'm not a crazy person everyone stares at wondering if I've gone off the deep end. My job situation went from three part time jobs, to graduate school. Less time away from home, less need for a babysitter, but more time studying.
I try to forgo studying until the kids are in bed so I can maximize my time with them. Consequently, after they go to bed I am exhausted and am ready for bed myself, but, I digress. My bills get paid on time and my house is in good shape and (usually) clean. Sure, there might be a bunch of stuff that needs taken to goodwill and an fair amount of recyclable goods in my garage. My basement could use some more shelves to put "stuff" on. My backyard needs shaping up, and my second car needs sold. But you know what. I'll get to it. It doesn't matter. None of it is vital to my children's well being, or mine for that matter.
Here comes the part that hurts. It's the things that I can't do for my kids because I am away at school. In all honesty, I have no desire to be a room mother or help with classroom parties. I will send you some paper goods or snacks, but that's about all you'll get out of me, even if I am available. I am taking a moment of silence to say a prayer of blessing for the mothers that do all of the room parent/PTA/whatever other made up organizations they have at the school, stuff.... Amen. The hurt comes from my kids asking me, why don't you do this, or why don't you do that? So and so's mom does. They understand that I can't for the most part, but one of my sons came home the other day and very honestly said "So and so said you won't help with the festival so I can't go". Excuse me? I quickly cleared that up, and it seems to be a misunderstanding, but for a child to say something like that... there had to be some sort of seed planted. That is the kind of thing that hurts, and makes me tear up.
I am not a perfect mother. I never was. You know what I am is a good mom. I am proud of my amazing children. They are wise and brave beyond their years, and at the age of 40, when I allow them to get married, they will make the women they love very, very happy. I do the very best that I can. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I know my limits, and stick to them, because as every mother should know, single or not, we can't do it all. As the saying goes, do what you can with what you have. A louder amen has never been heard.
I try to forgo studying until the kids are in bed so I can maximize my time with them. Consequently, after they go to bed I am exhausted and am ready for bed myself, but, I digress. My bills get paid on time and my house is in good shape and (usually) clean. Sure, there might be a bunch of stuff that needs taken to goodwill and an fair amount of recyclable goods in my garage. My basement could use some more shelves to put "stuff" on. My backyard needs shaping up, and my second car needs sold. But you know what. I'll get to it. It doesn't matter. None of it is vital to my children's well being, or mine for that matter.
Here comes the part that hurts. It's the things that I can't do for my kids because I am away at school. In all honesty, I have no desire to be a room mother or help with classroom parties. I will send you some paper goods or snacks, but that's about all you'll get out of me, even if I am available. I am taking a moment of silence to say a prayer of blessing for the mothers that do all of the room parent/PTA/whatever other made up organizations they have at the school, stuff.... Amen. The hurt comes from my kids asking me, why don't you do this, or why don't you do that? So and so's mom does. They understand that I can't for the most part, but one of my sons came home the other day and very honestly said "So and so said you won't help with the festival so I can't go". Excuse me? I quickly cleared that up, and it seems to be a misunderstanding, but for a child to say something like that... there had to be some sort of seed planted. That is the kind of thing that hurts, and makes me tear up.
I am not a perfect mother. I never was. You know what I am is a good mom. I am proud of my amazing children. They are wise and brave beyond their years, and at the age of 40, when I allow them to get married, they will make the women they love very, very happy. I do the very best that I can. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I know my limits, and stick to them, because as every mother should know, single or not, we can't do it all. As the saying goes, do what you can with what you have. A louder amen has never been heard.
Comments
Post a Comment