Labeling
This week at one of my Zumba classes I had a participant ask me where my boys were. They typically come with me to every class. The conversation proceeded as follows:
"The boys are at the parade with a friend today."
"Oh, are you married?"
"No, I'm actually a widow."
Shakes head. "It seems like more and more marriages are ending that way these days"
(Realizing that what I had actually said had not sunk in) "Well, this wasn't actually my fault. (I realize some divorces aren't peoples fault either, this is just the vibe I got so I went with it in my response) My husband died of cancer 2 years ago."
"Oh... well I hope you find someone soon.Those boys need a man in their life."
"Yes, and I will someday. I'm taking my time. It's important that I find someone that is good for all three of us."
"Yes I guess that's true. You could end up in more trouble if you are with someone wrong. He must have been young."
"Yes, he was 37."
"Well I hope you find someone really soon."
"Thank you.
The participant meant no harm at all. But it did get me thinking.
1. I was automatically labeled as a divorcee even after the word widow came out of my mouth. How many people have labeled me without even hearing the word? The label doesn't matter, because I have been divorced before and I am now a single mom, I just find it interesting to think about.
2. Why do I need to find someone soon? Why does society think that it is necessary for a woman to find a man? This explains why I see so many people jump from one man to the next in a blink of an eye. Society has brainwashed us into believing that we cannot take care of ourselves and cannot be whole without a man. That makes me sad beyond belief. Yes, I get lonely and I wish that I could have someone by my side that loves me and my boys and would help with finances and things around the house. But, I refuse to settle for someone I know isn't right. Shouldn't we all do that? And shouldn't society tell us that, instead of telling us to find someone quickly?
3. Yes, my boys do need a man in their life. But they need an amazing one. Again, I refuse to settle for some chump. My boys deserve the best.
4. To all of you out there without someone, please be patient. Go slowly. I promise you that it will be worth it, and that YOU are worth it. Take other people's words and advice with a grain of salt. YOU know what right for you. You know deep down in the inner core of your soul. Learn to listen and trust that still, small voice. I promise it will not steer you wrong.
Much love.
"The boys are at the parade with a friend today."
"Oh, are you married?"
"No, I'm actually a widow."
Shakes head. "It seems like more and more marriages are ending that way these days"
(Realizing that what I had actually said had not sunk in) "Well, this wasn't actually my fault. (I realize some divorces aren't peoples fault either, this is just the vibe I got so I went with it in my response) My husband died of cancer 2 years ago."
"Oh... well I hope you find someone soon.Those boys need a man in their life."
"Yes, and I will someday. I'm taking my time. It's important that I find someone that is good for all three of us."
"Yes I guess that's true. You could end up in more trouble if you are with someone wrong. He must have been young."
"Yes, he was 37."
"Well I hope you find someone really soon."
"Thank you.
The participant meant no harm at all. But it did get me thinking.
1. I was automatically labeled as a divorcee even after the word widow came out of my mouth. How many people have labeled me without even hearing the word? The label doesn't matter, because I have been divorced before and I am now a single mom, I just find it interesting to think about.
2. Why do I need to find someone soon? Why does society think that it is necessary for a woman to find a man? This explains why I see so many people jump from one man to the next in a blink of an eye. Society has brainwashed us into believing that we cannot take care of ourselves and cannot be whole without a man. That makes me sad beyond belief. Yes, I get lonely and I wish that I could have someone by my side that loves me and my boys and would help with finances and things around the house. But, I refuse to settle for someone I know isn't right. Shouldn't we all do that? And shouldn't society tell us that, instead of telling us to find someone quickly?
3. Yes, my boys do need a man in their life. But they need an amazing one. Again, I refuse to settle for some chump. My boys deserve the best.
4. To all of you out there without someone, please be patient. Go slowly. I promise you that it will be worth it, and that YOU are worth it. Take other people's words and advice with a grain of salt. YOU know what right for you. You know deep down in the inner core of your soul. Learn to listen and trust that still, small voice. I promise it will not steer you wrong.
Much love.
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